The Travels of Carrie and Adrian: Martha at 2½, Tom almost 3 months

It's been a busy month in our household! In addition to adjusting to life as a family of four, we have moved into our new house, settled Martha in her new bed , and transitioned Martha from diapers to panties. Tom hasn't undergone quite such dramatic changes, but he is more and more awake and he continues to smile and coo a lot. He is also content to lie underneath his gymini for increasing amounts of time.

It's a treat getting to know our new neighborhood with the kids, and this moving in feels different from all others we've done in that it seems more permanent. When I see children going by on their own bikes, I imagine Martha and Tom doing this one day not too long in the future. It's very exciting and sort of hard to believe. Possibly because we're now home owners, and probably because I'm now a SAHM , we seem to be meeting a lot more people, including many friendly neighbors, several of whom have kids.

We've been pleased to note some tasty restaurants (two Thai within three blocks!) and shops (nearby Milan is where Adrian and Uncle Tim went to get supplies for their famous curry-making extravaganza) in the area, and are also impressed by the Berkeley parks, including the Berkeley Way mini park and Totland, which are among several within walking distance.

Skip to photos if you've had enough rambling from mummy now...

Also as a SAHM, I am finding lots of time for trips to the library and (during Martha's nap) for poring over entries in the BPN archives, some of which are really entertaining. I have, btw, taken up this new job quite seriously, and have made several mixes for kids featuring the music ofRaffi, Jose Luis Orozco, Dan Zanes, and Carole King, not to mention Free To Be You and Me. I thought I knew a lot about children's books before, but as a mum I'm exploring new authors all the time. I feel as if having been a teacher has helped me with ideas for how to be a mother, but now I'm thinking it might be the other way around when (if) I return to the classroom. Among the author/illustrators I now seek out are Jan Brett and Emma Chichester Clark, and I'm also learning about books which help teach basic skills such as abcs, numbers, and colors. A month or so ago (it's possible I've blogged of this before) I was looking into the different versions of old fairy and folk tales, with an idea that it would be good for Martha to know these as sort of cultural background, much as the Bible is for students of western literature. I was struck by how clever some of these are as well as (on the other hand) what a racket the illustrator/"authors" of others are onto. After a mini-unit (!) on the Gingerbread Man (or, in Martha's iteration, the "binbed man"), which included the baking of a gingerbread family, I had the idea to rewrite the Little Red Hen and the Gingerbread Man, weaving the stories together. Alas, I am no artist, or I think I'd have found my new career! I do really enjoy using things I've learned from teaching, either when it comes to thinking about positive discipline or when I'm reading with Martha and talking explicitly about the reading comprehension strategies we are using. It is stimulating to think of this and to observe how she responds, and makes me think it might be fun to teach younger kids so that I could apply more of what I am learning from her, and vice versa.

Another media I'm loving sharing with my child is Sesame Street, which is just as brilliant as I remember it. Ernie and Bert are very entertaining, and there are such amazing guest stars! And again, it is really fun to watch Sesame Street not only as a parent, but as a teacher. It is so impressively thought-out and so effective on several levels. How cool would it be to have a job at the Children's Television Workshop!

A few other reflections...

*Totally felt worried about how Martha, the poor big sister, would feel when the interloping younger sibling appeared on the scene. Ridiculous concern, as other younger siblings have since told me. Martha still gets all the attention, with Tom often left to sit in his chair for long contemplative periods, interrupted only to eat and change. Of course it's not really that dramatic but I'm now directing more of my guilt towards him (there being always an endless supply of mummy guilt to go around). I hope I'm right when I think he'll grow up learning not only from us but from her.

*It feels funny to be writing this blog without reference to what's going on in our country at this time, but I think the only thing I have to say in this context is that I am aware of how fortunate we are to be new home owners, and how lucky I am to be able to afford to stay at home, in such a period.

*I am interested to see how my angst over being a SAHM waxes and wanes. For the most part I'm very entertained and I am happy each day, but the main struggle, which I anticipate will recur throughout the year, is a feeling that I'm not being productive if I am "only" taking care of the kids. I try to have a list of things to do every day, and thus give myself a sense of accomplishment when I am able to check said items off (so far I've not stooped to writing "eat breakfast" or "use the bathroom" on the list, though the latter is sometimes a bit of a feat with the two kids clamoring--and I am aware their clamoring is much less than many kids'). But what I hope to get to eventually is the acknowledgment that "just" being with the kids is a productive, worthwhile way to spend my day. This brings me back to the old challenge of being where I am in the moment--and reminds me of the story of Francis of Assisi who, asked one day as he dug in his garden what he would be doing were he to learn that this was his last day on earth, replied, "Digging in my garden." Obviously this garden we're digging is the most valuable and fruitful thing in our own lives, and I am so fortunate to be able to devote my days to it.

*I'm also exasperated by my own ability to second-guess myself. As I say, I'm generally happy with each day, but if I've done little "except" be with the kids I feel as if I've done too little (and as if I need permission for this, but from whom?); yet on the other hand if I've done a whole lot of things (such as write this blog, about which I'm beginning to feel anxious, for my son is looking up at me with quizzical eyes at this moment), I feel guilty that I've not been giving all my attention to my children. And that's never enough--after a day spent reading, singing, and playing with M I fret about whether she's getting enough socialization. I am very proud of both kids and I'm not nervous about them, but can I ever feel I'm giving them all I should? "Should" remains one of the most important words in my vocabulary!

Okay, enough of my navel-gazing, and on to the pics....